Sunday, August 17, 2008
out of sispec. into engineers.
wad an irony. i hate engineering. lol
everyone is leaving! sigh. first was kalai. then steph. jo left too. next is liz.. and i think my ah ma wun make it past this year.. which is wad the doc says too. the cancer cells have spread to many places. yes. i studied bio. i know wad does that mean. and i know that the adults know it too.. cos my uncle flew back from hongkong on national day. things felt werid when ah ma hasnt called me for quite some time and so i called her.. she said she didnt want to talk much becos she was feeling breathless. next thing i knew.. she was hospitalised again. now that shes out. i went to visit her with my mummy and sisters. she looked so frail and lost so much weight. even more than the last time i met her. she has an oxygen machine with her at home 24/7. when she woke up and saw us. first thing she said was.. ah ben ah.. your birthday is coming right. then she told my godma to go take the ang bao. i felt like crying but i couldnt since everyone was pretending to be so happy.. the cousins joking around, the adults smiling and all.. but the weight loss and worn out faces were obvious. ah ma had always made it a point to remember my bday.. i remember back in secondary school.. she would bring the ang bao to me. and this is the first year she couldnt. she would always say.. come.. ah ma treat you to han bao bao on your bday. and now stepping out of the house seems impossible. when i helped her sit up straight.. her arms were so skinny it felt like it would break if i used more force.. when i was young.. i would always get blocked nose at night due to sinus.. and ah ma would always wake up in the middle of the night to rub my back with vicks to help me breathe better and make me sleep... when mummy canned me.. ah ma would be the first to shield me physically. ah ma never expected me to become the greatest businessman or to become the doctor, lawyer or the accountant.. she always said to me kai xin jiu hao.. and i really hope that at this last leg of her life.. kai xin jiu hao
; 10:14 PM
